#82: Conscious Parenting for High-performing Entrepreneurs with Robbin McManne, Certified Parent Coach
Just the other day, I was teaching a special class for everyone who paid in full for my other business, The Advance.
They were there, eager to learn, and I was so excited to teach them.
Then, it happened... my son interrupted my class, and woke up my sleeping puppy.
I was embarrassed and flustered and didn’t know what to do.
Has this ever happened to you? Do you find it hard to balance parenting and entrepreneurship?
Today on the Scale with Joy show, my guest was Robbin McManne, Certified Parent Coach, who shared her wisdom about parenting. We spoke about:
When and why your child should be the boss sometimes
How sibling rivalry is connected to parents
What you need to know about investing in time with your kids
Tune into this episode to hear about how I started Super-kid Sunday with my kids!
Learn more about Robbin here: https://www.parentingforconnection.com or check her out on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/robbinmcmanne_parentcoach/.
Check out my new free training on www.yournextmillion.me, where several of my seven figure clients and colleagues share what they're doing in the next year to scale their businesses to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond.
Listen to the Show:
Laura (00:02):
So many entrepreneurs, dream of living a life of massive impact by creating a mega successful company, but only a tiny percentage of businesses actually scale to that point. And when they do it is so often lacking the very joy and freedom that got them into entrepreneurship in the first place. So on this podcast, we speak authentically on what it actually takes to scale your business in a way that creates freedom and joy that works for you, your team, and the incredible impact that you are meant to make in the world as a visionary entrepreneur. My name is Laura Meyer and I'm your host. I'm a serial entrepreneur wife, mom, to three. And I love talking all things business, especially digging into what it actually takes to scale joyfully to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond let's get started.
(00:48):
Hi, everybody. I wanted to introduce you to Robbin McManne. She is a certified parent coach. I've actually taken her programs before and they're amazing. And Robbin, it's just so wonderful to have you here.
Robbin (01:12):
Thank you so much for having me. I am thrilled to be here.
Laura (01:15):
I am so glad that you're here. And it was really interesting because, you know, I am such a super fan of yours. You had been coached by me in your business and through that we have this just incredible connection. And I think that comes from this fact that I know that you care so, so much about parents and kids and you also totally get what it's like to be an entrepreneur and like all of the stresses that come with that and how that can affect parenting. What do you think like, even in the last year for entrepreneurs, what do you think has changed for parents that has really challenged to them? So if you're, if you're a parent and you're listening and you're like, my gosh, the last year, you know, put 10 gray hairs in my head for those who own a business, like, what do you think are some of the major contributions to that feeling?
Robbin (02:08):
Wow. You know, I think, I think there's a few things, you know, one is just the fact that everybody is home. Everybody's home- right now at this moment I'm sitting here and my husband is across the hall from me. You know, we had to install doors so that we could have some quiet between us as he works and I work. Kids are home as well. And, and that's a lot. So having everybody home then homeschooling making sure that your child is doing okay in school and the stress and overwhelm that comes with that. And then there is also the business side of things, the stress of, you know, can I keep my business going when so many businesses are going under, you know, how do I keep myself relevant? How do I keep my clients in a time when people are cutting back? I think there's a lot of stress there. And let's be honest when we are stressed in our business or we're stressed with our family, those things, you know, infect each other, right? Just use virus theming, but you know, they both, they, you know, they cross-contaminate, and we have to be really careful not to bring our troubles from work into our family and our troublesome family into our work.
Laura (03:17):
Yeah. Gosh, like, how do you prevent that? Like I know there's so many times where I'm like, I just need to record this podcast and they're coming in looking for me because they had yet another random half day, which I forgot about or something like that. Like in that moment, what are some of the things that we can do to really mitigate stress? Cause it's not their fault. They're trying to find us. In fact, it's kind of sweet when you think about it and you're not trying to record a podcast, right?
Robbin (03:45):
Yeah, exactly. Well, here's the thing, you know, the good thing is, is that podcasts are editable, you know? And so like, let's be real about it, right? So let's say your kids came in right now. We can edit that out. It wouldn't be so bad. Plus the great thing is, is that I also think that, you know, we all know that we're dealing with kids being home. And so I'm the same professional. It's just so my kids are home, you know? So, so that's one and, and of course here's the thing. Like I think that we catatrophize these situations, right. And they're not that big of a deal. So I would say that it's not an inconvenience. It's not frustrating. So I would just say, hold on a second, like take a second. Parenting is not an emergency. Yeah. And so your kids coming in, I know that if I saw your kids come in and they're littler than mine, I have two teen boys.
(04:36):
So they don't just going to randomly come in. If, you know, unlike yours, yours will come in cause they're smaller is to just not freak out. That would be the go-to. I know that I would see your kids come in and I would say, Oh, it's just, it's just Laura's kids. No problem. How cute is that? You, on the other hand would be freaking out, right? Like, Oh my gosh, get them out of here. What are they going to say? You know, all that stuff. And, and I think that that's really important for you to know that not as big of a deal for other people as it is for you and take a moment, take a breath, really, truly take a breath. Sounds cliche. But it's not what you're doing. When you take a breath is you're calming down your nervous system. And that allows you to react. Actually, I should say, respond and not react in that moment. So you can calmly say to your kids, you know, you can say to me, Robbin, just a minute, we'll edit this out. I got to go get my kids hooked up for a show or, you know, back with their babysitter or no babysitters around. I got to figure something out for them. Just one second. I think, I think we just have to ask for some grace and I think that's okay.
Laura (05:45):
Yeah, it's so good. And the other day I was teaching a class to everybody who paid in full for The Advance, which is a couple thousand dollars. And I felt really committed. And to that teaching, cause I was thinking, gosh, these people paid in full. They put aside the time, right? I'm having all of these conversations about how much I care about the people in that membership and the experience that they have with their offer with me. And it was just, you know, my son came in and my puppy was sleeping underneath. But then as he came in, he riled her up. He's looking for my attention. She's losing her puppy mind because he comes in and out. And I couldn't even remember what I was talking about. And I felt so bad. Right? I felt so bad for the people listening. I felt so bad for him because you know, it wasn't his fault. He was looking for me and he wants to see the puppy after school. And afterwards I was so flustered and I was thinking like, why am I so flustered here? I was even comparing myself to people who, you know, whose kids interrupt them and they don't get flustered. But like, what are some of the things that we experienced as entrepreneurs? This, this is going down, like break it down for me. Cause I think probably everybody listening is, is having these moments. If they have curious children,
Robbin (07:04):
I just want to say what a relief. It would be to see you, somebody who's in a position of leadership. Somebody who is sharing wisdom with eager people like me, who doesn't want to take it all in. How refreshing is that to see that you're human too. Just want to say that like first and foremost, you're human too. Do you know how, how often that happens to the rest of us? Right. You know where I'm trying to do something and my dog breaks through the doors. Cause he can get through and immediately he goes to barking on the chair that I have in the corner here. I just want you to know that that's normal. It's okay. And yes, you're flustered because all eyes are on you when you're in the spotlight. It's hard to not, but I think it's okay to say, you know what everybody hold on a second. I'm so sorry. I got flustered. I just need to go back to my notes for a minute. Why don't we have a five minute break? Yeah. Key break coffee, break, water break. Let me get myself collected. That was unexpected. Can I ask you to give me a minute? Maybe people would be so happy to give you a minute and understand fully and again, be grateful to you that you were just open and honest and real because we have to stop pretending. We're perfect. We are not perfect. And that is perfection is, is the thief of joy, right?
Laura (08:24):
That's such great advice for so many entrepreneurs. You here them say things like if it wasn't my kids being crazy, I could focus more on my business or I feel like I'm always trying to balance between my business and my family, or I feel like when I'm with my business, my kids need me. And when I'm with my kids, my business needs me. Like when you're helping entrepreneurs kind of learn how to be better parents, which is ultimately what you, you know, what you do best. What are some of the ways in which can navigate just feeling that pull, because I know for sure I feel it all the time.
Robbin (09:01):
Yeah. And I do too. And I have boundaries. I have pretty strong boundaries and I think that's really important. And that doesn't mean that boundaries are easy because it will upset some people, right? It's like carving, carving out time, carving, it hurts. It's hard. And it's what's best for you. I think you need to have boundaries for when you start and you stop your work so that you, so that, that is when you can fully transition to be with your kids. I also think there needs to be a transition time between when you stop work to be with your family and your kids. So here's how it looks like for me. And this is what I would, this is what I would say to any entrepreneur who is, who has a family and most of most entrepreneurs do, at least female entrepreneurs do have family because of that was the whole reason that they became an entrepreneur, was to spend time with their family. Right.
(09:55):
And, and so we need to have a time where we, where we honor an end time of our day. And of course, when you have that in time, you have to, it has to be sacred. You have to abide by that because it will actually make you more efficient. The longer you work, less efficient, you are. Right? And by two o'clock, let's say you're in time is four o'clock by two o'clock. You're like, okay, I got, I got X, Y, and Z to finish. I'm nowhere near that. I better, I better motor to be done by four. And then when you're done at four o'clock, I want you to check in with yourself and I want you to say, okay, let's like, let's look at what my day was like, what am I carrying right now from my day were sales not as good?
(10:42):
Did my client, did they seem disappointed in the advice that I gave them? Or are they struggling harder? Whatever it is, what am I bringing that I don't want to give to my family? Yeah. And, and so notice that right? Give yourself a moment to let it go. Do some deep breathing and then set an intention. I love intentions because where your intentions go, your thoughts go, your actions and reactions go, right? And your words will also go. So for you to say, my intention is to not let my day become something I take out on my kids because that's easy to do. I know that there's been many times I've yelled at my kids in the past where, you know, my boss was not nice and I took it out on my kids. Right?
Laura (11:30):
Absolutely. Absolutely. We, I, Oh my gosh, I don't want to interrupt, but you know who hasn't had that moment where somebody treated you terribly and that you snap at your kids. Right.
Robbin (11:47):
And you will spend more time feeling bad and guilty ashamed because you did that. So spend the time setting the intention, be really purposeful about that. And then it's, it's almost like, you know, I sort of picture like a duck in a pond. You know, you see the two ducks fighting each other and they both, they both shake it off. And then they both go to their separate areas of the pond. Like shake it off, really shake it off. Maybe you listen to that side, shake it off and just get yourself in that mode and, and commit to being fully there for your kids. If you're not fully there for your kids, your kids will sniff it out and they will know that you're not fully there for them. And that will show up as behavior you want to change behavior. You don't like behavior that stresses you out. So it is in your best interest to be fully present.
Laura (12:37):
Yeah. Okay. I'm so glad you're bringing this sucks. This goes into technology. So, so many of us are addicted to our phones. And I often struggle with that balance because my kids will say something like Laura, you're on your phone or mommy, you're on your phone. And there's a part of me. That's like, Oh yeah, I definitely, you know, it's time to put the phone away. And there's this part of me. That's like, do you like your life? Because it's not free. So, you know, so, you know, and there's, and like, you know, there's some days I pick you up at 12 and we spend some time together and at school day, and there's some times where my phone at seven o'clock at night and like, you know, and I, I don't know if that's good parenting or not, but every now and then that does come out of my mouth. And I'm like, do you like that nice pool we go to in the summer? Cause it's not cheap. Soo what are you, I mean, what are some of the things that you think are general guidelines for us high-achieving entrepreneurs who we're constantly looking at our phones to try to get as much done as possible.
Robbin (13:44):
Yeah. Okay. So that's a really good question. Here's the thing there are times in, let's say you've transitioned away from the office time and now you're in the evening or you're a weekend. It's a weekend, whatever. You're not going to be focused on your kids the entire time, right. You're not going to be intentionally with them and like the whole time. So I think there's breaks in your day where you can, you know, not sneak off, but you can, you can respond to a Voxer or do a quick email. I don't think your kids mind that. I don't think they mind at all. They don't want us to be with them 24 hours a day. Anyway, you know. No, but know that when we're on the phone, when we're distracted, they actually fear the disconnection. And so that's why they start to ramp up.
(14:30):
That's why all of a sudden, we're on the call, we're on a phone call and they start fighting or they start, you know, it's just the fear of the, the, the turning away of our attention from them to something else and somebody else. So we also need to give our kids some empathy and some grace, you know what, babe? It is hard when mommy's on the phone. And you really want to just show me that picture. I know, I bet you're disappointed that I couldn't just stop that call right now for you to show me what you did. Empathy is so important. Empathy and validating their feelings in the moment. But I think you can also say to your kids too, Oh boy, mommy is so busy today. I won't be able to spend as much time with you today. And I know that you might be disappointed. And I just want you to know it's hard for me too, I'm so sorry, baby. You know, it's okay to call it out and say, you know what? The next couple of days are going to be really busy and I've carved out some special time for us to spend time together on Saturday, you know? So you tell them what's going on, but then you reconnect them by saying, this is when we're going to be together.
Laura (15:35):
Yeah. I love that. And I know something that you also talk a lot about is giving them some say and kind of how things go right. And giving them some autonomy. I don't know if exactly that's how you would word it, but I'm trying to recall some of the coaching that I learned about in your program and it was around the idea of like, they get to kind of call the shots every now and then I guess that's probably the best way to put it. Right. Tell the listeners a little bit more about that.
Robbin (16:00):
Yeah. So, you know, I think, I think our kids go through their day getting told no all the time in a lot of different ways, right? Told no. And the fact that, you know, they're not tall enough to reach the sink, to wash their hands. Right. They're told all day long, you know, let's say we're, we're in regular school times and your kids are in school or in daycare, you know, when to eat when they can sit down, when they have to stand up, when they have to line up all of this stuff. Right. So they really are told what to do on a regular basis. And what happens is, is that also builds cortisol in their brains, which is the stress hormone. Right. And actually that is what creates meltdowns. And sometimes you think, well, I just looked at you and you started crying.
(16:40):
Well, that's really, you know, like the straw that broke the camel's back kind of a thing, right? Our kids are emotional and that sort of thing. And so if we can give our kids more yeses and allow them to take ownership of some things too, that makes them feel important. And here's the one thing that I'll say above all else, you can give them some ownership. You can do some different things, but listen to them, check with them and say, hey, you know what? If you're upset about this, or, or if you don't like this, if this doesn't work for you, how do we work it out? We work it out. And then you, listen, you listen deeply to your child. If your child is upset, we want to find out why. Right.
(17:24):
And then from there you may find, okay, well you get to be the boss of dessert every night this week, you get to be the boss of w you know, the music we play in the car. Like, how fun would that be? Like, let's give them some things to be the boss about that don't matter anyway, you know, not, not that they don't matter. That's that didn't sound very good, but just really things that are new or open for, for them to be the boss, because they need it. And it'll make them feel really special too. If they come up with something and we listen to them and we do it too, and we give them credit for like, you know, you chose this song, great choice, really bad. You know, I call everybody button, buddy.
Laura (18:07):
I love it. Yeah. So since suggesting that we do super kids Sunday, where they get to choose anything that we do on Sunday. And sometimes I'm kind of like, really, but, you know, but it's so good because that they love it. They love choosing what to do. They love it being their option. They love deciding where we go for ice cream. Like they basically choose the whole day and that's been really, really fun.
Robbin (18:34):
Those are memories that last a lifetime. That's really beautiful. I love it. And do they get, do they get to take turns who decides it or do they come up with it together?
Laura (18:43):
That's a great question, which I think is going to lead into my last question for you around sibling rivalry. So they decide together, so those of you who are listening and you're relating to this at all, and you might have kiddos, mine are seven and eight boys, and then a 10 month old girl at the time of this recording. So the two ways they tend to agree together, but I can't help, but wonder if the seven year old really does have a say in it. So I think alternating would probably be a really good idea. Let's talk about sibling rivalry. Let's talk about what's really happening when client calls or the Facebook ad goes down and you're like, oh man, I gotta pay attention to this right now. Or, you know, I'm thinking about the different entrepreneurial emergencies that can come up and they start bickering. They start arguing. They have a like epic fight. What is happening? What is that about?
Robbin (19:44):
I said, they can sniff it out. They know they can tell that you're stressed and they can, they, and your attention is fully on something else. And that let's give them anxiety. So here's the thing with sibling rivalry, sibling rivalry at its core is rivalry for you, for you, for you and your husband, for you, for your attention, your affection, your, you know, for, for your connection, all of that. And we often blame and shame kids for needing attention. They absolutely need attention. It is a core basic human need. And if you do not give them attention, the attention that they need, where you are fully invested in that time, and you aren't voxering and you aren't texting and you aren't doing the odd thing. When you, when you aren't doing those things, when you aren't connecting with them, it will turn into behavior. That is unlovable. That that is stressful, that you don't like that you want to change. So what you do is you have to invest in that time already, right? So they don't now fear the loss of you. When you do have a crisis that you need to work out. The other thing is, is you to teach your kids to work things out together. Our kids don't come to us. And this, this maybe speaks to your boys too, when they're deciding what to do on Superfund Sunday, is that what you call it?
Laura (20:58):
I like super fun. We call it super kids, but I like super fun, too. Super fun.
Robbin (21:02):
Okay. Our kids don't know how to negotiate. We don't know how to sweeten the deal. Uh, we have to teach them. They don't know how to take turns. We have to get them right. So we think that we need to teach them. We probably don't even, don't really the way to negotiate anyway. So we need to learn too. So we need to teach them those skills. And whenever there is sibling rivalry, please hear this. Everybody that's listening, when your kids are fighting, never pick a side based on age or gender. You just want to say, Hey guys, the, the situation is the problem, not the people, right? So you would just, and I, and I'm, I'm sort of going off to the side with, with what your question is, because you're asking when there is a crisis. So, so essentially the answer is, is more than just a small sort of soundbite for the answer.
Robbin (22:02):
It is you invest in the time with your kids beforehand, right? And that's sort of the money in the bank, if you will. So that when you are in a crisis mode, you can say, okay, you guys, listen, I need to be in my office for a little bit, because something is really important going down. I am feeling worried. I'm feeling stressed right now. And I want you to know that I'm feeling stressed and worried, and it's not about you, that I'm dealing with something because our kids are egocentric. They will take it wrong as they cause mommy trouble. Right? No. So I like to always speak in the language of feelings and needs, which also normalizes it for our kids and helps to teach them emotional intelligence. So really just say, look, this is what's going on with mommy. I am going to ask you guys to do this and this can I count on you to play nicely together? And as soon as I'm done, I will let you know, and then we can get back to playing or we can get back to whatever. So really communicate with them. They can take it seven and eight year old’s will respect that. I think too. Right. And that shows that you respect them and respect begets respect. Yes.
Laura (23:10):
So, so good. All right. These are great tips. And I know you have so many incredible resources available for our listeners. So if people want to learn more parenting tips specifically for helping them, while they're trying to navigate the entrepreneurial journey what's the best place for them to connect with you.
Robbin (23:28):
That's great. Yeah. I have lots of different resources and lots of different things that you can connect with me on, if you go to yellingcurebook.com, that is really where you can find my book, the yelling here and my book I'm really proud of it is you'll, you'll get it in an eBook form. It also comes with an audio book and a parent implementation guide as well. And it's all on how to parent your kids so that you can understand them better. So you get better cooperation and more joy and harmony in your family.
Laura (24:01):
Yes. And we'll put that link in the show notes. So anybody who is curious can go to the podcast episode on the blog and click right on it. And Robbin, I've read the yelling cure. I think it's so good. I think it's so needed. So many of us entrepreneurs are having that extra challenge right now of managing the relationships that mean the most to us while also growing a business, which is not a lot of ways than other babies. So I really appreciate you being here. And I know that what you shared today offered so, so much value.
Robbin (24:33):
Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Laura (24:36):
Hey there: before you head out, I want to let you know about a free new training I have right on a brand new website called yournextmillion.me. It's yournextmillion.me, where several of my seven figure clients and colleagues share what they're doing in the next year to scale their businesses, to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond. And I have to tell you, it is not what you think. So check it out at yournextmillion.me. And if you loved this show, will you subscribe to it and share it with a friend or just say something nice about it to someone, you know? I’d really appreciate it so much. Thanks so much for being here and I'll see you next time.
The Scale with Joy podcast dives into the mindset and strategies of scaling your company to the million dollar mark and beyond. Each week, we follow the journeys of innovators, disruptors, experts and leaders - sharing behind the scenes stories of their most challenging moments and greatest lessons learned-all while building their multi-million dollar empires.