#96: How to Navigate Business With Distractions with Amber Hawley, Licensed Therapist
As an entrepreneur, have you ever sat down to complete a task and then all of a sudden, the FedEx guy rings the doorbell, the dog starts barking and the baby starts crying?
It’s not easy to concentrate with all our daily distractions, and for the 40% of entrepreneurs with ADHD, concentrating on important tasks is even harder.
My guest today Amber Hawley, licensed marriage and family therapist spoke about her own struggle with being an entrepreneur with ADHD and how she has been able to help others.
In our conversation, Amber shares:
One of the best strategies that is going to save you time and time again
How to overcome shiny object syndrome
Her #1 tip for not getting distracted while working at home
If you are an entrepreneur with ADHD, or have just had a hard time concentrating on work while also wearing 10 different hats, tune into this episode!
Check out Amber here: https://amberhawley.com or on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/itsamberhawley.
Check out my free training on www.yournextmillion.me, where several of my seven figure clients and colleagues share what they're doing to scale their businesses to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond.
Listen to the Show:
Laura (00:02):
So many entrepreneurs, dream of living a life of massive impact by creating a mega successful company, but only a tiny percentage of businesses actually scale to that point. And when they do it is so often lacking the very joy and freedom that got them into entrepreneurship in the first place. So on this podcast, we speak authentically on what it actually takes to scale your business in a way that creates freedom and joy that works for you, your team, and the incredible impact that you are meant to make in the world as a visionary entrepreneur. My name is Laura Meyer and I'm your host. I'm a serial entrepreneur wife, mom, to three. And I love talking all things business, especially digging into what it actually takes to scale joyfully to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond let's get started.
(01:01):
Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Scale with Joy Show. I am here with Amber Hawley and she is a coach and professional speaker, specifically talking about challenges as they relate to ADHD. And we'll talk a little bit more about that during this episode, but welcome Amber. So excited that you're here.
Amber (01:18):
Hi, thank you for having me.
Laura (01:20):
Yeah. So really, how have you thrived as an entrepreneur with ADHD? Like what, what made you choose entrepreneurship, I guess, as somebody who has that and struggles with it, and then how has it impacted you on your entrepreneurial journey?
Amber (01:36):
Oh, in so many ways. Well, when I started, so I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist by trade. And when I started my business, I didn't actually know that I had ADHD. So I actually didn't get diagnosed until, uh, until after, until I was 41 actually. So, which happens to a lot of women because often the way that ADHD shows up for young girls, isn't the way that gets them in trouble in school, which is usually what prompts a diagnosis for so many and actually after finding out and then kind of, you know, working on myself and because I work with couples a lot, I ended up seeing so many couples where one or both of the people have ADHD. So it became like my specialty and I really delved into it and found out that they estimate about 40% of entrepreneurs have ADHD, which actually makes a lot of sense because there's often that struggle with conforming to like specific, you know, like norms that a lot of businesses have, or like, you know, there's this box of like, this is the right way to work and it doesn't always work for us.
(02:49):
And so, and then there's that thing of like, I just, I don't want to have to deal with the boss. I want to do it myself. You know, but then on the other side of that, there's so many struggles with like, you know, letting things fall through the cracks or having to deal with things, do things when it's like, if you're not into it, it can be really hard as someone with ADHD.
Laura (03:11):
Yeah. Yeah. And it's so funny. I have a lot of friends who have it and I, I'm almost on the other end of the spectrum. Like if I'm focused on something, I do not want to be interrupted. And I have like a super hyper-focus, which one of my friends with extreme ADHD was like, maybe that's a version of it. I was like, it could be but so what success tips do you have for people, you know, for entrepreneurs who have ADHD and just find themselves getting distracted all the time?
Amber (03:41):
Yeah. I mean, well, right now I would say if you're an entrepreneur, I think dealing with distraction is a big problem for everybody. Regardless of having ADHD, especially in this last year and a half, I think even still, like, you're trying to juggle, like you have, you're trying to wear all these different hats and you're trying to, you have to do all the things, right. And so that's a lot to manage as one person. So with the ADHD, the, the upside of it is you, you actually can hyper-focus and you can get, you know, go down those little, you know, ADHD spirals, and you can get a lot of things done and people tend to be super creative and when they love something, they focus like crazy. Right. But it's all those other things, usually administrative work or, you know, those things where it's like, you've never done it before you have a little bit of resistance to, I think my number one thing that I think is really helpful is, well, there's probably two, but I would say number one, if you can outsource anything that, you know, that you just don't enjoy doing, or that is hard for you, you know, even I think there's this idea of like, well, if I just was more efficient or if I did it better than I could get it all done, it's, you know, like they think it's like a personal problem that they need to figure out how to shore up those weaknesses.
(04:58):
And I think outsourcing is probably the best strategy, letting somebody else take care of those things so that you don't have to manage all of that stuff. That's kind of the number one. The other one that, you know, maybe it's in reverse order. Maybe I said those in reverse order, but the other one is I think really having clarity about, you know, what is the most important thing? What is the goal that you have for yourself and having so much clarity around that and not letting in all the other noise and all the other things, all the other shiny objects, because we do love a shiny object, right? So trying to be just really clear in, okay, this is the thing I'm working on right now, and I'm not going to be distracted by all this other stuff, because this is what has to happen first. Um, and you know, there's a lot of ways to go into that. But I think if I, if I were to give two little bits of knowledge, that would be, you know, have, have extreme clarity and outsource.
Laura (05:58):
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And I, I wouldn't say that entrepreneurs get distracted in general. Like even if they don't have ADHD, I mean, I run a community of hundreds of women and we do some coaching and some training in it. And it's, I almost feel like it's so hard as a coach because you share something and everyone's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. In the next week they come back and they're like, I decided to do something else. And you're like, what, why? You know, I thought we were good. I thought you were good. I want you to get a result here. And you know, if you kind of bounce around from a bunch of different ideas, you'll never, you know, you'll never get to where you want to be in general, like this, the external stimulus. Is there anything that you do to kind of minimize or manage that external distraction or external stimulus?
Amber (06:45):
Yeah. And like you said ADHD or not. This is an entrepreneurial, right? The, the shiny object syndrome and, and, and it, and I think it happens for a lot of reasons, like why we get excited about things like this opportunity, most people who are entrepreneurs, they have like, you know, this desire, there's a little bit of like seizing opportunities, this desire to grow something. You know, so there's there, they're not wanting to miss the boat, but at the same time, what I'm seeing is I think it's all these unmet needs that we have as people that are actually driving us to kind of chase the shiny objects. So whether that's like, oh, you know, I'm, I'm afraid, like there's a fear of failure, which isn't really a need, but there's this fear of failure. So let me try this thing and then I'll try it.
(07:38):
I'll try it for a week or two. And it didn't work. So that must not be the right thing. I'm going to go do something else. When in reality, it's like, you haven't even given it a chance. Right. So there's this fear of like, if I put all my eggs in one basket, what if it doesn't work out? And especially when you have to make money financially, like if you're the primary breadwinner you contribute to the household, like you need to be able, you need to be able to, to make money and see results. Right. So I think there are many reasons why people chase it. But yeah, for me, I think, you know, there's a, it's kind of going back to those first two things that I said, but I think having people that you talk to, like, I call it, like having your contiguous, Larry, you know, the person who you, whether that's a coach or a therapist or a friend or biz bestie, you know, that I have these besties that I rely on, who can give you the feedback, who know your business and know you and can say, you know, it's not about somebody telling you, no, you can't do that.
(08:36):
But it's about somebody kind of giving that support of like, okay, that sounds really great, but you gotta, you know, you were, this was your goal. This is what you needed to stick with. I think sometimes having that outside feedback from somebody can be really helpful. And I know for me, like I have somebody who helps me manage my operations and just having her like talk me through. Cause she has a more realistic timeline about things. Like I get excited and I was like, oh, that'll take a day. Right. We all have this optimism bias that we can, there won't be any hurdles, nothing will get in our way. And we'll be able to just focus and get this done and take a few hours. But reality is, it often takes longer than that. Right. So, so yeah, I think like having somebody who gives you that feedback, you know, the other piece of that I would say is, um, you know how sometimes, like you're saying like, somebody is like, yeah, I'm gone.
(09:30):
How about this? I'm going to do it. But then that self-doubt, or that like, yeah, that fear of failure, that imposter syndrome, whatever it is, comes up. And they're like, oh, maybe that's not the right path. Or maybe they're getting feedback from somebody who has no idea that business is they have no clue, but you know, they, you know, everybody thinks they have good ideas and they know things, but they have nothing to do with this person's business. And they're like, oh, I don't know. Like, that doesn't seem like that would work out. And so then they start questioning themselves and they're like, oh, let me change my mind. And like you said, you're like, no, you got to stick with this. This will work. I swear.
Laura (10:07):
Yeah. Everything, everything works in time when all works. It all works in time. I call that drive by advising happens in masterminds all the time. You know, you have a client and they go to a mastermind meeting and they're like, they came back and they're like, I'm doing everything differently. And you're like, dear God no. Yeah. Because you're not in the business. They don't know the team members. They don't know the products we, you know, and, and they end up getting all these ideas. So, um, because of COVID like so many people have been working from home. I mean, people like you and I have been working home for home for a long time, but some people maybe moved to a home-based business from traditional business brick and mortar and office. So how do you deal with the distractions of home?
Amber (10:55):
Yes. I mean, that's such a hard one. I I've been working with people who have been working from home, I think because being in Silicon valley for so many years, I mean, for the last, at least like 11 years and there it's always been a struggle for people, right. Even before all of this extra stuff, like, especially if you have kids who are home and you know, even now that most kids are back to school, I don't know about you, but like my kids, they, like, somebody gets sick with a cough, but now we have to keep them home. Or they were, you know, somebody near them tested positive with COVID. We have to keep them home for like eight days. But there's like a whole, like, you know, there's all this, these things are changing so rapidly. And so you can't, it's hard to have that structure.
(11:38):
I think I think some of my advice would be one is ideally if you can find a place where you actually have a door cause that's the one thing that I'm hearing for people who are like, yeah, I'm still working on my kitchen table and like people are coming in and out. I mean, that's huge distractions, right? And there are people who are coming to the door and you know, they're hearing it and they're seeing it. And that's like really hard to, for anyone to keep concentration when that's happening. So trying to find a place, even if it's not, you know, ideally you find someplace, that's your permanent place if you're at home. But I know people who successfully have run really successful businesses out of the corner of their bedroom, but at least their bedroom had a door that they could shut.
(12:22):
And so they had a little, there's like a barrier to that privacy. Right. And then I think the other thing is it's really easy to get caught in to the idea of like, oh, well, I'm at home. Let me just do a load of laundry or, oh, let me just pick this up. Or you know, that you see all the distractions in your house. And again, it's really easy to like, have that time slip past you and realize like, oh wow, I didn't get these things done at work, but you know, I got all the household chores done. But if you were in an office, you it's like out of sight out of mind, you forget about all that stuff until you come home and then you do it maybe. Right. Right. Right. But I think it's, I think it's sometimes as simple as just like making sure you have an environment that, that feels like not super cluttered, it doesn't have these triggers that remind you of all the things that need to happen in your house and have a little bit of privacy. I think those are probably two of the quick and easy ways that I would say.
Laura (13:19):
Yeah. Yeah. That sounds awesome. That's those are really good, really good advice. And I think all of us are, are probably a little guilty of like throwing in the laundry in between meetings.
Right. So what is like the one thing entrepreneurs can do every day to just make sure that they're making the most of their time and feeling like they were accomplished at the end of the day?
Amber (13:39):
Yeah. My, my favorite strategy that I will say for years, I resisted, like I would ask like every time I'd meet somebody. Cause I think that's why I'm a therapist. I love hearing people's stories or I love to know like how or why they do things. And I don't care who it was like every time I would talk to somebody be like, oh, so how do you structure your day? Or how do you do things? Or, you know, how were you able to achieve this and this? And, and every time I would get the answer, like, oh, I have a team. I remember asking this like Pill Ransick. I met him at this conference and he was like, oh, you know, well, I have this team and they do all this stuff. Right. And I was like, okay, okay, that doesn't work. And then it was like, then I met pat Flynn and we were talking and, and you know, I would talk to him about, these are the things I want to do.
(14:24):
And he's like, okay, well you have to do one thing first and get that like totally automated. And then you can do another thing. And I'm like, I don't want to hear that. Like, I, I hate hearing his pastures. Right, and that was, I remember when I talked to Pat the first time, like that was when I read, like the one thing and essential ism. And I was like, this all makes sense. And I hate that. Don't tell me I can't multiple things because, you know, I have, I have more than one business. So I'm like, okay, but I want to grow these things. I want to do different things. I, you know, I need variety. Right. But man, I don't know, over the last few years, I think it's, it's just like, no, that's actually the, that's the truth. It's valid. It's so true.
(15:05):
It's, you know, really focusing your efforts on one thing. So I get to the point now where like I have, I like to do it the day before, because I feel like if you wait until the day of like, you, you might let it. You're, you're like having the list of what you need to do tomorrow. And I say, I have one thing I need to do. And then I might have up to two more that are on the list. But those are the, that would be great, but it's not, you know, if I could only accomplish one thing, what would it be? And there's so many reasons like psychologically, why this is beneficial, it builds, it builds positive momentum. It allows like that extreme clarity. And then it makes you feel at the end of the day, like, okay, I accomplished the thing that I needed to, as opposed to, I have this list of 20 things I want to do.
(15:54):
Even if I did three things, which if your list was three things, you would feel great. But when it's 20, you're like, I didn't do enough. I'm behind. And it kind of perpetuates this feeling of I'm always behind and, and it makes you feel bad. And then that actually impacts your energy for the next day. And so I think that's one of those things that keeps us in this constant state of overwhelm. So on one hand, I totally get it. Like I fought it for years. I don't, nobody wants to be told no. Right, right. But at the same time, like I think we see it time and time again, when you can really focus on something, you know, achieve that goal or get that business to a place where it is really running itself, then you can add other things and it will be, it would just be less stressful. You'll be more successful. You'll feel better about it. Or you can, you know, do it the
hard way where you're burning yourself out and you're feeling perpetually behind and you know, I've done it both and I'm telling you the, uh, the one thing is much easier.
Laura (16:57):
I agree. I agree completely. I have a bias for simplicity, which is not always been, you know, I've been an entrepreneur for 20 years. Of course my twenties. I was kind of like, oh, market opportunity. I'm here. I see, I see a guy like other people that want to buy something that I'm capable of producing, like on it, you know?
Amber (17:15):
In our twenties, you have more bandwidth. That's the other thing, right?
Laura (17:20):
Pump out, you know, sales page in a Friday night. And like, that was a good time. Right. And I want to go to bed at eight. So where can people find you if they want to learn a little bit more about, you know, what you're saying? And a lot of what you're sharing, it's really fascinating. So I'd love to share with our listeners where they can find out more about you.
Amber (17:39):
Yes. Well I have, since your podcast listeners I have, or YouTube, actually I have the easily distracted podcast, the easily distracted podcast, as well as the couple's fixed podcasts. And, um, so you can find me there or you can go to Amber, holly.com and, uh, you know, if you're one of those people that struggling with kind of focusing and shiny object syndrome, you can go, um, it's, uh, Amber holly.com forward slash I think it's joy is the one we decided for this forward slash joy. And you can get a free downloadable that helps you kind of go through and assess. Is this an awesome opportunity or is this a shiny object?
Laura (18:23):
I love it. Shiny object assessment. Yes. No, and I love that title easily distracted podcasts. That's awesome. Great. Thank you, Amber. Wonderful to meet you. Thank you for sharing your expertise with our listeners and I'll look forward to seeing you soon.
Amber (18:36):
Thanks so much.
Laura (18:38):
Hey there: before you head out, I want to let you know about a free new training I have right on a brand new website called yournextmillion.me. It's yournextmillion.me, where several of my seven figure clients and colleagues share what they're doing in the next year to scale their businesses, to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond. And I have to tell you, it is not what you think. So check it out at yournextmillion.me. And if you loved this show, will you subscribe to it and share it with a friend or just say something nice about it to someone, you know? I'd really appreciate it so much. Thanks so much for being here and I'll see you next time.
The Scale with Joy podcast dives into the mindset and strategies of scaling your company to the million dollar mark and beyond. Each week, we follow the journeys of innovators, disruptors, experts and leaders - sharing behind the scenes stories of their most challenging moments and greatest lessons learned-all while building their multi-million dollar empires.