#86: How to Handle Criticism in Leadership
When we put ourselves out there and we build something important enough, big enough, powerful enough, inevitably there's going to be people who simply don't like it.
They don't like the way we've approached it. Maybe they're even people who were part of our network and then it turns out their vision was misaligned with our own. Those are often some of the hardest challenges to navigate in entrepreneurship.
One of the biggest challenges about facing criticism is that it gives us the sense that we have fallen short, dropped the ball along the way in building something we believed to be great. And while hearing constructive criticism can help us grow and evolve, allowing ourselves to use it as a tool and not absorb it as an irrefutable truth is a delicate balance.
So, how do you navigate criticism when you're scaling? Tune into this week's episode to find out!
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Laura (00:00)
When we put ourselves out there and we build something important enough, big enough, powerful enough, inevitably there's going to be people who simply don't like it. They don't like the way we've approached it. Maybe they're even people who were part of our fan base and then it turns out their vision was misaligned with our own. Those are often some of the hardest challenges to navigate in entrepreneurship. Many times people will put you on a pedestal and then just as quickly they swing in the other direction, presenting you with a no-win situation. With that said, constructive feedback and opportunities to improve are often found in the most uncomfortable situations. So, how do you navigate criticism when you're scaling? Up next on the Scale with Joy podcast.
As a leader, being told what we're doing wrong is typically what lands in our inbox more often than when we're being told of what we're doing right. And sometimes criticism lands on our doorstep at the worst time (or) on the worst days, doesn't it? Right when you are trying to navigate challenges with your kids, right when you've got a non-profit board meeting and an old dog that decided that she didn't want to eat that day. I can relate, I’ve been there.
It can take the form of along email with all the things that you’re not doing right in your community. Or maybe it’s a critical comment that’s public facing and tests your ability to handle difficult conversations with grace. Maybe it’s even from somebody that you know and respect, which can be extremely tough to navigate.
One of the biggest challenges about facing criticism it is that it gives us the sense that we have fallen short, dropped the ball along the way in building something we believed to be great. And while hearing constructive criticism can help us grow and evolve, allowing ourselves to use it as a tool and not absorb it as an irrefutable truth is a delicate balance.
You may have heard of a “we email”. Maybe you’ve even been on the receiving end of one. It sounds a little like:
“I've talked to other people and we think.” “I've been having candid conversations with other people we believe”
These interactions are tough, because it doesn't necessarily take a whole lot of thoughtfulness to do that and the result is 2 frustrated people, not being able to feel seen or heard.
The truth is, in this post-COVID world, there's a lot of pain, there's a lot of struggle, there's a lot of people who need a lot of help. And negative groundswell can probably be found just about anywhere.
So, what do you do when you get a”we email!? What do you do when you are wanting to make sure that you are delivering the very best to the people who are part of your community? When you are working everyday to make sure that you and your team have pulled together to create a better outcome for their lives and you receive a very, very harsh piece of feedback that you're not a hundred percent sure what to do with?
Well, the first thing you need to do is compare it against data. Do you have any data? Have you been asking your customers and community for feedback, even in a small coaching program or mastermind? Are you sending surveys out,not only after individual events, but also to gauge general satisfaction? This is critical to know so you can better understand, is this a one-off situation or something that we need to be thinking about that's impacting the entire community?
The second thing to consider is, is the feedback constructive or is it critical? Considering that at times individuals can intend to share constructive feedback which by the wording, comes across misaligned to their true feelings about the situation. Sometimes feedback can come from a standpoint of things that are unseen, that have nothing to do with you or from a desire to share how they feel it could be done better, even though the approach rarely results in a fruitful and positive shift.
It’s important to figure out where there are misconceptions, where's the hidden agenda, and where are the facts. That is a really challenging and important first task, that starts really with asking lots and lots of questions and getting curious. Understanding the evidence for the challenges you’re being presented with will allow you to move forward thoughtfully and with intentionality, creating an open space for each individual to hopefully both move towards the positive when providing the feedback. This isn’t always the case, however by getting curious and asking clarifying questions, it will allow you to settle on the next best steps for your particular situation.
There's also always going to be a difference of opinion. Sometimes as the leader, and this is a mistake that I've made in the past, I'm very compromising. I'm very collaborative. It's just part of my personality. I really like hearing other people's opinions. And I believe other people have just as much value as I do, even though I own the company and they don't. I have a perspective of humility, but sometimes, in the past, that has compromised my own leadership ability and what, at the end of the day, I think the right thing to do is. And staying true and uncompromising on my vision, mission,
and values for the actual future of the organization while adopting an agree to disagree attitude can be tricky at the best of times.
I really dislike the idea of ever leaving somebody behind and making them not part of a future that I believe wholeheartedly would benefit them, particularly people who I like personally. At the same time, when you try to serve too many people in too many different ways, your offer just ends up being meaningless. And that's what I found over time, where your customer base is diluted, your offer is less powerful because you're incorporating way too many opinions, when deep down you know what the right thing to do is. You know the most important opinion in this circumstance is your own, because that opinion has gotten you this far. Which is no small feat.
It's very important to simply know when to move on. Sometimes you realize no matter what you say, no matter what you do, some people just aren’t ready to hear anything that you have to say about what is possible from a place of positivity. So, bless and release for many of us is an ongoing challenge, where we have to choose to refuse to dwell on any negativity and not worry about what was said after the person is done sharing their criticism. You want them to feel heard, and you want to make sure that you can neutralize your own feelings about them or the situation long enough to be able to determine which parts of what they're sharing are valuable. So, take the parts that are important, take the parts that you either can validate through data or know in your heart and your intuition it really is something that you need to look at, and then leave behind any of the negativity.
And a lot of ways in which we can sort through the gold and the junk is asking questions, just trying to find out what is the context? What are some examples? What is it that the person would suggest that you do moving forward?
I recently spoke to somebody who was head of operations for a fast-growing company when their mastermind imploded. And she went around and met with every single person via video. And while every community isn't the right fit for that approach, for something that is very premium-priced and has fewer people in it, I think that was a extremely wise thing to do. She found that people fell into one of two camps. The first camp was that they just were so far gone on their negativity and their gossip that by the time she met with them, there was pretty much nothing she could say or do. The second group were people who were upset and maybe even emotional. And that's okay. That means they care. But what they were committed to was a future of positivity, constructive feedback, and positive change.
And just remember, if no one's criticizing what you're doing, if nobody's criticizing your leadership or your approach, you're probably not doing a great job leading because it is not a popularity contest. Leadership is always about making sure that what you're doing is in the best interest of the organization that you're serving, knowing that if you take care of the company, the company will take care of everybody who's part of it.
And we get the role of being an entrepreneur, we get the honor of being an entrepreneur because we also get to make those difficult decisions. When we can't be strong in where we're headed and how the feedback measures up to that long-term vision, we end up just kind of wasting time trying to satisfy all these different agendas, some of which might be hidden, some of which might be personal, some of which... they might just not like your hair color or the way you show up in the world. Sadly there's nothing you can do about that but it's certainly not a good reason to change your offer.
A couple of things that I've learned over the years that I'm very, very happy that I didn't do in this situation is I don’t take it personally. I know that, even if it was personal, somebody else has a personal issue with me because the way in which I speak reminds them of somebody that they used to know that they no longer like. There's nothing I can do about that. And I've learned over time never to take it personally.
Also, it's important, don't react, right? Even if you find yourself reacting, you want us to take a step back and be curious because it's very difficult to be angry or frustrated and curious at the same time. And so, curiosity keeps us from getting defensive, where we overreact and then regret it, right? So, criticism always comes and goes. We have to know that as leaders it is important not to be impulsive..
And very important not to be the victim. Nobody's doing anything to you. You are the entrepreneur. You are the leader. Nobody's going to respect a leader who plays the victim. And it's a very poor leadership trait. So, even if you decide to do something like remove somebody from the community who is not helping in a constructive way, really important to be respectful to them and never ever in any context, and never play the victim because that turns the... you really want to do is you want to be a positive agent for change and continue to enable growth and innovation and possibility on the other side of the feedback.
Whatever it is, criticism is always an opportunity. It's always a learning moment. You're either learning about yourself, your own leadership. You're either learning about your community, your organization. And just keep in mind, the top can be very difficult. It's a very rewarding place to be, but it also requires you to be able to stand firm in your leadership so that you can grow your company effectively.
And finally, don't take the bait.I as well as many of my clients, have taken the bait before, where maybe you're on a Facebook live and somebody takes a shot at you and you respond to it, or maybe somebody takes a cheap shot at you from the bleacher seats, as Brene Brown would say. And I want to leave you with a really comforting quote, which is from Brene Brown's book, and a speech by Theodore Roosevelt. It's usually just referred to as the man in the arena. And it goes like this.
It is not the critic who counts. It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who's actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end of the triumph, the high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
And to which Brene says, "If you are not in the arena, getting your ass kicked on occasion, I'm not interested or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fear-mongering. If you're criticizing from a place where you're not also putting yourself on the line, I'm not interested in your feedback." I love that. Feedback from the cheap seats.
And remember, when we are in a season of growth we have a choice in what we absorb as truth. As this company grows and thrives, we are going to have people who align with our mission, vision and values. And some who don't. And that's ok.
There may be a ton of differences between each of us and each individual client or customer, but as long as we are aligned in values, we're better together. So let’s make sure to nurture ourselves with the kind words and allow the constructive feedback to be seen purely as information to help us grow and evolve
So, you just have to remember that it is part of the journey of entrepreneurship. Criticism is an amazing opportunity and it's also a perspective to keep in mind.
The Scale with Joy podcast dives into the mindset and strategies of scaling your company to the million dollar mark and beyond. Each week, we follow the journeys of innovators, disruptors, experts and leaders - sharing behind the scenes stories of their most challenging moments and greatest lessons learned-all while building their multi-million dollar empires.