#76: How to Be the CEO of Both Your Family & Company with Eric Partaker, Peak Performance Coach
Many entrepreneurs take off their boss hat after work to put on their parent hat.
They are the CEO of their family AND company.
But how do you perform at peak level at BOTH of these jobs without feeling depleted?
Eric Partaker, Peak Performance Coach, joined me today to discuss the importance of family in his life.
We discussed:
How and why leadership starts at home
Why creating core values for your family is beneficial
His special technique involving three alarms that helps him remember what matters most
Be sure to tune into this episode to hear Eric’s life changing event that inspired him to be more present.
Learn more about Eric here: https://www.ericpartaker.com or check him out on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/ericpartaker/.
Check out my new free training on www.yournextmillion.me, where several of my seven figure clients and colleagues share what they're doing in the next year to scale their businesses to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond.
Listen to the Show:
Laura (00:03):
So here's the challenge: so many entrepreneurs dream of leading a life of impact by creating a multi-million dollar brand, but only a tiny percentage of businesses actually scale to that point. On this podcast, we speak openly and authentically about what it takes to scale your business, following the journeys of innovators, disruptors, experts, and leaders, looking at the behind the scenes of their most challenging moments and greatest lessons learned. My name is Laura Meyer and I'm your host. I'm a serial entrepreneur, wife and mom to three. I love talking all things business, especially digging into the mindset and strategies of scaling joyfully to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond. Let's go!
(00:49):
Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Scale with Joy show. I'm here with Eric Partaker. He is tuning in today from London, from across the pond and he is a peak performance coach. And I just, it's great to have you here, Eric. I really appreciate you taking the time to be with us today.
Eric (01:06):
Yeah, thanks so much, Laura. I'm American as well, but I have been living in London for nearly 20 years.
Laura (01:14):
Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Cause I, when I first heard you speak, I noticed that the British accent was just a touch there. So it sounds like you've been infiltrated.
Eric (01:25):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, after a couple of decades, it's kind of hard for it to not happen without you realizing it.
Laura (01:33):
And so you're a peak performance coach. What led you into that career? So it sounds like you're an ex-pat. And, and what made you decide to pursue that trajectory?
Eric (01:44):
I mean, my background is, is best summed up with the quote from John Lennon life is what happens while we're busy making other plans. So nothing's really been intended. It's just sort of happened. I started off as a consultant with McKinsey and company then joined Skype in it's very early days, helped with the blitz scaling of that, right before we sold to eBay about 15, 16 years ago. Um, then started a chain of Mexican restaurants throughout the UK through that throughout the UK and the common thread throughout all of that was an obsession with entrepreneurship leadership, and peak performance. And that became what is now, you know, my, my focus in business, I basically help entrepreneurs and leaders scale, not just their businesses, but also, you know, their leadership and themselves.
Laura (02:40):
Very cool. So McKinsey, Skype, I mean like little tiny companies nobody's ever heard of. So what made you, I mean, clearly you have an amazing business background, but what made you decide to go all in, on more of the performance? And it sounds like mindset side of things.
Eric (02:56):
At the moment I, I work with 26 founders CEOs and what I think is lacking in the business coaching space is the integration of that kind of coaching with mentoring. So, you know, in the trenches experience, as well as taking in the totality of the person, right? So business in life is really just one thing, but you know, there it's all interconnected and the focus on peak performance for me is less about turning a human being into a Ferrari and, you know, performing at like a peak athletic level and more that I define peak performance as operating at your fullest potential across all the areas of life that matter most, three in particular, your health, your wealth and your relationships. So that's, that's the essence of peak performance for me. And I just felt that it was, it was missing from you know, from the business kind of coaching and mentoring space.
Laura (03:57):
And why do you think that leadership starts at home? I know you talk a lot about your family and how you lead your own family. Why is that so important for somebody like yourself who has so many external successes and the people you work with that it would be pretty easy to just kind of say, you know what, I'll let other people handle my home life, right?
Eric (04:21):
So, I mean, it goes back about 10 years for me, I was boarding a plane on a return flight to London. And shortly after the plane reached cruising altitude, I felt quite a lot of pressure in my chest, which soon became pain down the left shoulder, left arm got quite nauseous with sweating. The stewardess on board asked if there was a doctor on board who rushed to my attention and the doctor said we need to land the plane immediately. I think he's having a heart attack and the plane emergency landed in a small town in France. And they took me off into a waiting ambulance on the runway where they administered nitrates, open up the arteries. And as the ambulance sped off to the local hospital, um, I looked up into the eyes of the paramedic looking down at me and I said, please don't let me die. I have a five-year-old son. And the next morning when I woke up, I was really unnerved by, you know, the very first thing that had come out of my mouth because it wasn't anything, it wasn't anything work-related, you know, it was please don't let me die, I need to finish redesigning the website.
(05:31):
And so that was like the light bulb moment for me, that I was working too hard at the price of my health and without paying attention to what mattered most, which clearly, you know, it was you know, those, you know, those closest to me, right? Because when you think it's game over, whatever you say and think in that moment, that's your truth. There's no chance for premeditation. There's no chance for hiding. And, you know, the truth that revealed itself was just very in, in congruent with my daily behavior. And so that prompted a journey to really focus on peak performance, as I've described it from a more holistic kind of balanced point of view, whereby we close that gap between our current and best selves, not just in the Workfront, but yeah. Also on the health and home front. So, so to do that, I think you need to take a leadership position in your home life. And I don't mean, you know, that you're directing traffic, but that you recognize your role within the family. As you recognize your role within a company, and you say to yourself, I'm going to do that role to the best of my abilities. I'm going to be a leader in my role. So yeah, that's the backstory for that.
Laura (06:53):
So interesting. That's very perceptive of you to actually be able to look at it from an outside standpoint and have that realization. When I think a lot of executives would just say, well, that was like an emotional moment, or that was just something that flew out of my mouth, but now tomorrow I've got to get back to the to-do list. Cause I've been in the hospital and like work is behind. What do you think it is about you that made you decide like, whoa, that was, that was like an inciting incident for me.
Eric (07:26):
I was fortunate or unfortunate, however you want to look at it to, you know, have, you know, something that nearly killed me, kind of forced me to, to realize what I think actually the vast majority of the population or many people realize, you know, you don't need to go through a health scare to look in the mirror and honestly assess whether or not you're truly doing your best at home, or if they're getting kind of what's left over compared to what you deliver on the work front. So I don't know if it's something different or unique about me again, I was fortunate to go through a, a moment that forced me to come to terms and take action on a feeling that again, I think that vast majority of people also have.
Laura (08:17):
Yeah, so good. And I know you're such a big fan of creating values for your home, just like you would a business like core values. And we'll be the first to admit that I've created core values for my own companies and other people's companies many times, and have never even thought about doing it for my own family. Was this something that you started implementing after this pivotal moment in your life?
Eric (08:40):
No, it actually, so there's two layers to that. So after that moment in the years that followed I started experimenting with different techniques to get me to show up on each of those domains, you know, more powerfully, health, wealth and relationships. And the one that had the, kind of the greatest effect, the most power for me, was a technique involving three alarms, which I've written about, in my, in my new book under the same title, the three alarms. And literally all I did was I thought of a best self-identity and each of these three domains on the health front on the wealth, and when I say wealth, I mean both, you know, making the money, you know, like work and what you do with it, you're generating wealth and what you do with it, health, wealth, and relationships. And then I thought of three words or values that would describe the behavior of those identities.
(09:33):
And then I just put in those three identities into my phone as alarms thinking that, yeah, I'd benefit from having this reminder of what me at my best as defined by me is at the appropriate time of day so that I could perhaps course correct in the moment, or maybe it would prompt a bit of reflection if I wasn't behaving consistently with those identities. So I went ahead and put these three alarms in my phone at 6:30 AM. It said world fitness champion and that's what went off. Not because I am one I never will be, but that's the kind of identity I assume when I go to the gym in the morning at 9:00 AM, you know, said world's best CEO to prompt the, you know, the thought, how would the world's best CEO show up, you know, decisive inspire and reliable.
(10:21):
Those are some of the, the, the values that I associated with that. And then at 6:30 PM, the most important one of all goes off for me and it says world's best husband and father to prompt the question, how would the world's best husband and father walks through that door right now? And I had, you know, three values associated with that as well, which were, you know, playful, loving, and laughter and having that kind of intentionality, just, it just changes the way, you know, when you, right before you walk in and you're like, oh yeah, I'm supposed to be that.
(10:58):
And you think about, well, how does that version behave? And then, you know, it's not instantaneous, but when you have a target to shoot for you, can't, but help measure, you know, your current behavior against that ideal. And over time, you, you close that gap. So that was one way, one way in which I approached value. So, you know, what is me at my best in the home front look like? What are three words that describe that? And then QA at the appropriate time of day, the, the second way I approached values, I actually learned from one of the CEOs that I coach. So he shared with me an exercise that he had done with his family, which I just thought was amazing whereby they defined, you know, what they, as a family unit were at their best and what those key words were. And in his example, I mean, I can't remember all the words exactly, but basically the phrase was, are we doing this right?
(11:57):
And they are, was like, you know, responsibly, the, I was for integrity, uh, you know, the T was for, oh gosh, I can't remember it trust trustworthy or something. And then it wasn't spelled correctly. It was two ease. And I think one was, you know, excellence. And then the other was, you know, empathetically or something like that. And, and so I just thought that that was a very nice way of thinking about values as well and in a way to involve the whole family. So yeah, I can't really take credit for that second, um, you know, one or approach to doing that, that, that came from a client of mine. But in either instance, whether you think about it for yourself, or you do it together with your family, as a unit, having, having a set of words that guide your behavior is as powerful at home as it is, you know, for a company.
Laura (12:49):
Yeah. So powerful. I love that. When we think about peak performance, a lot of times it comes from habits and the habits that we have both in our personal life, as well as work. How do you view that separation between personal and home and work time? Is there a certain characteristics or routines that you have found to be really useful when balancing the two? And I know balance is such a sticky word, but the best way I can describe it.
Eric (13:23):
Yeah. I just want to comment actually on your point about balance being a sticky word, it's, it's funny, it's, it's like when somebody says, and somebody goes against the grain for example, and says something like, Oh, balance is hogwash that doesn't really exist. It's not possible, it's really tempting to just kind of like join that. And just for the sake of being contrarian. And I bet there is something to balance. There's nothing wrong with balance. Um, and I think people need to not like over egg, you know, what the word means, what you're really saying. When you say you want balance is nothing more than that. You want to feel, you know, feel that you're doing all the things that, you know, you should be doing that you would like to do at work, you know, for your health at home.
(14:12):
And there's nothing wrong with that. We should aspire to that. The way I create balance is yeah, a few things routine wise. So one is, you know, I, I both recognize and appreciate the evidence that clearly supports the power of exercise with your mood and your positivity and, and keeping your energy levels high. You know, you don't want to show up at home at the end of the day and be completely depleted, which makes you prone to irritability and disagreeable and unhelpful and all of that. So you have a duty and a responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen, not just for that sake, but your own health and as well. So, you know, starting the day with some morning exercise, even if it's just for 20 minutes, you know, puts you in a good position. And it creates a hormonal mood boost, that's equivalent in strength to taking an antidepressant lasts for about 12 hours.
(15:05):
So that's one, you know, habit or routine that I, I put in place. I'm also very conscious of how I work throughout the day. So again, I don't deplete myself of energy or feel like I'm bouncing around walls and a maze desperately in search of a piece of chocolate or something. So what I do there is I divide my day up into maker versus manager time. So maker time for me is in the morning when my energy is at its highest and when I want to work on what's most cognitively demanding. And so I keep my mornings free of meetings relatively free. Of course, if I need to do something urgently, I will. And then in the afternoon, that's when that's my manager time. So that's when I'll interact with others, whether internal or external meetings kind of like, feel like I'm a light bulb. So at the beginning of the day, I'm kind of bright and shiny and a hundred percent energy.
(15:57):
I want to maintain that a hundred percent, but in the afternoon I need the energy of others as well. So it's like, well, let's come on pile into this meeting. And the three of us, we're each at 33% and we get a hundred percent together. So that energy management and matching kind of energy to task in that way helps me work more productively and end the day with gas in the tank. And that would be then a segue to, you know, my end of day and then evening kind of routines or habits. So I always end the day by shutting it down where I do a final check of my email. I look at my calendar for the next day. I choose a top three things I'm going to work on. And then because of how I divide my day into the maker versus manager time, I have that morning available to schedule those top three things in as appointments with myself, to which I show up as I would anyone else, if it was with someone else that gives me incredible freedom going into the evening, because I know everything's covered, I'm not sitting there wondering what I need to do the next day or when I'm going to do it.
(17:02):
I've already thought that through. And you know, the last thing that I do before I leave my office is and I work from home is I leave my phone in the office. And, you know, if you're trying to show up as your superhuman self on the home front, well, then your telephone is your kryptonite. So leave the, uh, leave the kryptonite out of sight. And, um, and that just helps your presence and helps you engage. Yeah. You know, all of those things you know, together, yeah really help.
Laura (17:37):
Does your phone stay in your office until the next morning?
Eric (17:42):
Yeah, don’t use it as a, I don't use my phone as an alarm because if you go to bed early enough, you don't need to rely on it to wake up in the morning. And, um, and then if you do, uh, you know, we have an old school alarm clock where, um, you know, if that's, if you do need that, use that rather than your phone.
Laura (18:02):
Like a clock that rings, like one of those.
Eric (18:05):
One of those, you know, or, you know, like, yeah, it is funny when we say this, right? Cause it's like, our kids don't know this, but you know, I'm 45. And I, I remember still using payphones. And I remember when, uh, I was talking about this the other day with somebody and we were, we were laughing about, hey, remember when you used to go, you know, meet other people and you just knew where to go. And it somehow worked out. And then the first big advance I remember was like, pagers. People started to have pagers.
Laura (18:35):
I'm like a few years younger than you, but not much.
Eric (18:39):
You've got the pay phone and you call the number back. And all of that, you know, there's this concept called Keystone habits, habits, which if you just do that one thing, it has such a huge impact on your life that it creates this positive ricochet effect elsewhere. And one of those Keystone habits without a doubt is, you know, I encourage anybody listening. See what happens when you quite literally leave your phone in the office off, you have no choice, but to be present because you're not distracted anymore.
Laura (19:10):
This is fascinating. I'm committing during this podcast that I'm going to do this for a week. I'm going to see what happens. And the first thought that comes to my mind when you sharing this is that my kids are little enough that they don't have a phone, right. They're six and eight. And if I want them to be off their phones, when they're teenagers, I should probably start modeling it. Now, like that was the first thought that I had when you were sharing that. It's an awesome challenge. I'm so glad you brought this up. It was like one of those small things that I think, like you said, as a Keystone habit, that can make such a huge difference for people, especially for us high achievers. That always feel like we need to be on, which is so many of you who are listening to this right now. And I'm sure built much like Eric and I.
Eric (19:55):
Yeah. Well, I would just want to comment on another thing that you said, which is quite interesting as well. Cause you said, I want to do that, you know, to model the behavior. And if we just connect that back to leadership, starting at home, because by far the best way to lead in any situation, whether they're at home at work you know, on, on the, on the basketball court, wherever is to model the behavior that you see our kids, you know, we, they pick up everything that we do. If you're in a stress situation and you raise your voice, they will start when they're in stress situations, raising their voices. If you get stressed easily and start to show signs of it quite visibly, then your children will become easily triggered, show signs of stress very, very easily. And, you know, and, and act ways that, you know, won't be helpful for them in the long run so that like they're picking up absolutely everything and they learn more by that. You know, children learn more through passive learning in that way, then they do, you know, and anything that you do actively. I mean, just for one, the time that you passively teach without even knowing, for example ends up being 95% of the time and the other act of teaching time, the five, you know, 5%, it's just, it just has no chance to compete against the 95. So I just thought it's a really good point. That's a good way to look at it.
Laura (21:25):
Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. So as we wrap up in one word or a few words, what's the secret, do you think to reaching your peak potential in both work and life?
Eric (21:37):
Consistency. That's it consistency. 80% as good as I could, but if you do that every day, like that's, that's tough. That's actually harder than trying to now, you know, a month of nineties and hundreds only to drop down to fifties and forties for three months.
Laura (21:57):
Yeah. Right. It's so interesting. It takes more discipline to be consistent and, and really looking at, I think your internal beliefs, because your brain often wants to be very inconsistent when we bump up against things, which is the biggest challenge. So you shared so much value today and I'm so appreciative if people want to reach out to you and they want to learn more about services you provide or just connect with you, what's the best way for them to do that?
Eric (22:28):
Well, thanks again for having me on the show and thanks for everyone who's listening so far. So first of all, I'd like to offer a, a free digital copy of my new book, the three alarms, which goes into a lot of the concepts that we've discussed on the show today with a lot more depth, of course, you can go to Amazon as well. I buy it there as a thank you for listening. You can just grab a free digital copy from my website. So if you just head over to Eric with E R I C partaker, P a R T a K E R, rricpartaker.com. And you can grab a look for the three alarms. That's the name of the book, and you can get a free digital copy of that.
Laura (23:06):
That's wonderful. We'll put it in the show notes too, so that people, if they're driving right now than have to worry about writing it down, they can just go to the podcast site and look at this episode. So thank you so much for being here. It was a joy to have this conversation. You provided a perspective that I think is rarely spoken about and it's greatly appreciated. So thank you so much.
Eric (23:26):
Thanks, Laura I appreciate it.
Laura (23:30):
Hey there: before you head out, I want to let you know about a free new training I have right on a brand new website called yournextmillion.me. It's yournextmillion.me, where several of my seven figure clients and colleagues share what they're doing in the next year to scale their businesses, to the multi-million dollar mark and beyond. And I have to tell you, it is not what you think. So check it out at yournextmillion.me. And if you loved this show, will you subscribe to it and share it with a friend or just say something nice about it to someone, you know? I’d really appreciate it so much. Thanks so much for being here and I'll see you next time.
The Scale with Joy podcast dives into the mindset and strategies of scaling your company to the million dollar mark and beyond. Each week, we follow the journeys of innovators, disruptors, experts and leaders - sharing behind the scenes stories of their most challenging moments and greatest lessons learned-all while building their multi-million dollar empires.